I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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