Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize