Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
