I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
