yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
