I love black thongs
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
