You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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