So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
