Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
