Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
