mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
