I can text with my tongue
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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