my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He shit in the fireplace
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
