the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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