when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
