I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
