Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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