spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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