i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
and she was petting her beer can
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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