I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
