My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize