Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
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