In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
