overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Randomize
