Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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