I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
