I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
