I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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