I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
