Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I think your dad took our porno
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
