bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I think people are normalizing furries
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize