I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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