i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
