My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
