it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
