You work out of a Hotel?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize