So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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