the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize