just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
