you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
