Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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