I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
