Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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