im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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