Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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