everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
