i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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