Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
