Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
COCAINE IS GR8
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize