well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
