I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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