I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
