if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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