Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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