nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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