Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
