Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
