The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
