I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
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