Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
