...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
