NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Randomize
