yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
