Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
