I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Can Purell be used as lube?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Randomize
