You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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