Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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