kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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