brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
