Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
