the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
