On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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