dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
