I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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