His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm getting married
To pizza
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
