when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
