I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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