Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize