Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
