K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
