its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize