God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
