Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
