Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
