Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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