i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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