Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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