Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
