I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
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