just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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