I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
