Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
