dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
