I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize