Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize