last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
